Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Saints of Doubt: Doug Pinnick

In what I hope will be an ongoing series, I will be highlighting the great doubters who have shaped my own spirituality. Some of these are ex-Christians, some were burned by the church, some just tortured souls; all have influenced me (and others, I presume) in profound ways. Many of them are artists who have remembered tragedy in the midst of a Church afraid to read the hard parts of her own Book. Many are theologians or philosophers who dared to look into infinite spaces even when these filled them with dread.  All have struggled with faith, not all have remained faithful.

I don’t know how well this will go over, so I will very much appreciate feedback (email if you don’t feel like commenting). I especially want to hear from those of you who don’t like it.

The Patron Saint of Gay Christians

King’s X is one of the coolest, dirtiest rock bands still playing.  15 albums and counting.  Doug is their lead singer.  Although they never branded themselves a “Christian” band, Christians were their base, and many of Doug’s early lyrics were evangelical to say the least. 

In 1998, Pinnick came out of the closet in a Christian magazine. 

On 2004’s Ear Candy, the second verse of “Looking for Love” features these lyrics:

A standard, a program/religion burned me at the stake./I questioned, I listened, I worshiped, how can I relate?/I worked so hard at it, oh Lord, the bruises and the burns/I just don’t—don’t get it—I guess I lost my faith/Looking for love.

Listen to it here.

In a 2002 interview, Pinnick had this to say about giving up on faith:

The greatest thing that happened to me was, when I stopped believing in God, I stopped believing in the Devil. When I stopped believing in the Devil, all my fear went away. I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to walk down the street. I'm not looking over my shoulder thinking the Devil's going to get me, or 'God is watching me, so I'd better not do that,' when there's nothing wrong with what I've done. We used to preach when you come to Christ you're free, and you have peace and you have happiness. Well, for me, I got all that stuff when I stopped believing in God. I was in prison, I was unhappy. I felt like I didn't fit in-- And then people tell me that I didn't believe in God in the first place. Well, I totally did. I gave my whole life to it. I studied it. I learned it. I lived it. I really, really did.

Well, even on the other side of the fence he still hopes you’ll pray:

4 comments:

  1. I feel like you haven't given me enough information to make this post meaningful to me. I really like the idea of the series, and I'm intrigued by what you say about Doug Pinnick, not having heard of him before this. What's missing is how/why his story has made a difference in your life.

    I read your blog not merely because I expect to find your posts insightful and entertaining. I read it mostly because I care about you. I suspect that's true of most of your current readers.

    Since I personally know you, I'm genuinely interested in hearing how your own faith has grown, changed, and been tried throughout your life. I realize that may not be of general interest to the public, and it may be your preference to not get too personal on your blog.

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  2. I would have to agree with skoogtown. I like the idea for this series of posts, but after the biographical sketch it would be nice to have further commentary about what makes that persons story significant. A gay man who turns away from religion and experiences a massive guilt lifted from his shoulders doesn't seem to be a terribly unique story, so how did it influence you, or how is it more significant than other such stories, so that he qualifies as a Saint of Doubt?

    Interesting side note: A gay highshcool friend of mine recently finished Episcopal Seminary up in San Fran. A while back he started an online dating site for gay Christians, rainbowchristains.com. He's very active in LGBT advocacy in the Christian community, and has some writings up on the topic at TruthSetsFree.net.

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  3. Interesting to note is that Doug was clearly part of mainstream Christianity, as he was totally sold on the premise that faith is, fundamentally, something that is supposed to make you feel good. Though less important than the relentless claptrap regarding a 'relationship with Christ' (Dr. Phil Christianity), the emphasis on religion as a path to happiness is a part of the gradual feminizing of Christianity.

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  4. Finally, some helpful input. I have a number of SoD posts in mind, but I want them to be interesting AND I want the people who read this blog to find an entrypoint into the thought/art of the featured saint. If some autobiography would help, I'll try to include it in an entertaining way.

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